The Polyvagal Revolution
The Three Settings Your Nervous System Actually Has (And Why This Changes Everything)
You've been operating with an incomplete map. Here's the missing piece that explains why you shut down, why connection feels impossible sometimes, and what to do about it.
Remember when I told you about your nervous system's two modes; gas pedal and brake, sympathetic and parasympathetic?
I simplified. On purpose.
Because you needed to understand the basics first: your body has a danger mode and a safety mode, and most of us are stuck in danger mode way too often.
But there's more to the story. A crucial piece that explains things the two-mode model can't:
Why do you sometimes shut down completely instead of fighting or fleeing?
Why does connection feel impossible even when you're with safe people?
Why do some situations make you feel totally numb and disconnected from your body?
Why can't you just "calm down" even when the threat is gone?
The answer: You actually have three nervous system states, not two.
And understanding this third state, and how to work with all three, changes how you heal, connect, and live.
Let me introduce you to polyvagal theory.
Beyond Gas and Brake: The Polyvagal Revolution
In the 1990s, Dr. Stephen Porges revolutionized our understanding of the nervous system with polyvagal theory.
"Polyvagal" means "many vagus"; referring to the vagus nerve, the main nerve of your parasympathetic (brake) system that runs from your brain through your entire body.
Porges discovered that the vagus nerve isn't just one thing. It has two distinct branches that evolved at different times in mammalian history. And they do very different things.
This means your "brake system" actually has two settings:
Social engagement (safe and connected)
Shutdown (immobilized and disconnected)
Add in your sympathetic (gas) system, and you have three distinct nervous system states:
Ventral Vagal (Social Engagement): Safe, connected, present
Sympathetic (Mobilization): Activated, fight or flight
Dorsal Vagal (Shutdown): Immobilized, collapsed, numb
Let me show you what each one feels like and why you move between them.
State 1: Ventral Vagal (Your Safe & Social State)
What it feels like:
When you're in ventral vagal state, you feel:
Present and grounded in your body
Open to connection with others
Able to think clearly and creatively
Playful, curious, engaged
Safe enough to rest or explore
Your heart rate is variable and responsive
Your face is expressive, your voice has range
You can make eye contact comfortably
This is your optimal state. Where you're meant to spend most of your time.
This is the state where:
You can hear what someone's actually saying instead of scanning for threat
You can be vulnerable without terror
You can rest without hypervigilance
You can play, laugh, create
You feel like yourself
Your body in this state:
Vagus nerve is actively regulating your heart and organs
Facial muscles are relaxed and expressive
Middle ear muscles are tuned to human voice frequencies (you can actually hear people better)
Digestion works properly
Immune system functions optimally
Why you can't always access it:
To feel safe enough for social engagement, your nervous system needs to detect actual safety, not just the absence of threat.
And if you've experienced trauma, chronic stress, or unsafe relationships, your system may have learned that connection itself is dangerous. So even with safe people, your nervous system might not let you access this state.
State 2: Sympathetic (Your Fight or Flight State)
What it feels like:
You already know this one from the previous post. This is your gas pedal, your activation, your survival mode.
When you're in sympathetic state, you feel:
Anxious, irritable, or angry
Restless energy, can't sit still
Heart racing, breathing shallow
Hyper-alert to danger
Need to DO something, fix something, move
Thoughts racing
Ready to fight or flee
This state mobilizes you. It's designed for action when you face danger.
In actual threat, this state saves your life. But in modern life, it gets triggered by:
Deadlines and time pressure
Conflict or difficult conversations
Financial stress
Overwhelming demands
Feeling trapped or controlled
Perceived judgment or rejection
Your body in this state:
Stress hormones flooding your system
Blood flow to muscles (away from digestion and higher thinking)
Pupils dilated, scanning for threat
Heart rate elevated and less variable
Breath shallow and rapid
The problem with staying here:
Your sympathetic state is meant for short bursts; run from the danger, fight off the threat, then return to safety.
But chronic activation (which most of us live in) burns you out. It depletes your resources, weakens your immune system, impairs your thinking, and damages your relationships.
And here's what the two-mode model missed: when sympathetic activation doesn't resolve the threat, your nervous system has another option.
State 3: Dorsal Vagal (Your Shutdown State)
This is the missing piece.
When fight or flight won't work, when you can't escape the danger and can't defeat it, your nervous system has one last survival strategy: shut down.
This is the oldest part of your nervous system, shared with reptiles. It's what happens when mobilization (sympathetic) didn't work and you need a different way to survive.
What it feels like:
When you're in dorsal vagal shutdown, you feel:
Numb, disconnected, dissociated
Heavy, immobilized, can't move
Foggy, spacey, not present
Flat affect, no emotion
Like you're watching your life from outside your body
Exhausted beyond measure
Hopeless, depressed
Nothing matters, why bother
This is freeze, collapse, dissociation.
Your nervous system has essentially said: "We can't fight this. We can't run from this. The only option left is to shut down and hope we survive."
Your body in this state:
Heart rate very low
Blood pressure drops
Metabolism slows
Digestion stops
Energy conservation mode
Pain numbing (natural opioids released)
Disconnection from your body and emotions
When this state activates:
Dorsal shutdown happens when:
You faced overwhelming threat (especially early in life)
Fight or flight didn't work
You had no escape and no control
The danger was inescapable (abuse, neglect, medical trauma)
You're overwhelmed beyond your capacity to cope
In extreme danger (like a prey animal caught by a predator), this state can be lifesaving, you don't feel the pain, your stillness might make you less interesting to the threat, you conserve energy.
But in modern life, this state gets triggered by:
Overwhelming stress or responsibility
Feeling trapped in situations you can't escape (job, relationship, caregiving)
Criticism or shame that feels annihilating
Situations that remind your body of past helplessness
After prolonged sympathetic activation (burnout leads to shutdown)
The Polyvagal Ladder: How You Move Between States
Imagine these three states as a ladder:
Top Rung: Ventral Vagal (Safe & Social)
↕ Middle Rung: Sympathetic (Fight or Flight)
↕ Bottom Rung: Dorsal Vagal (Shutdown)
Your nervous system moves up and down this ladder based on perceived safety or danger.
Going Down the Ladder (Into Protection)
When you detect danger (real or perceived):
First, you try social engagement: "Can I connect with someone to help me? Can I communicate my way out of this?"
If that doesn't work, you mobilize: Fight or flight. Anxiety, anger, action.
If mobilization doesn't resolve it, you shut down: Collapse, dissociation, numbness.
This happens quickly, often unconsciously. Your nervous system is always assessing: Am I safe? Can I connect? Do I need to fight/flee? Is this hopeless—should I just shut down?
Coming Back Up the Ladder (Into Safety)
You can't jump straight from shutdown to social engagement. You have to move through the states:
From shutdown, you need mobilization first: A little energy, a little fight. This might look like irritability or restlessness—it's actually progress.
From mobilization, you need co-regulation: Safe connection with another nervous system that says "you're safe now."
Then you can access social engagement: Present, connected, yourself again.
This is why you can't just "calm down" from shutdown.
People tell you to relax, but your nervous system needs to mobilize first, needs to move that stuck energy, before it can settle into genuine calm.
Why This Matters for Your Healing
Understanding these three states explains so much:
It Explains Your Coping Patterns
If you tend toward sympathetic (fight/flight):
You're anxious, busy, can't stop moving
You control everything because stillness feels dangerous
You have trouble resting or receiving help
You're productive but burned out
Your coping: doing, fixing, controlling, staying busy
If you tend toward dorsal shutdown:
You dissociate, zone out, go numb
You feel hopeless or depressed
You can't access your emotions
You watch your life instead of living it
Your coping: checking out, numbing, disappearing
If you mixed-state (sympathetic + dorsal simultaneously):
You feel wired AND exhausted at the same time
Anxious but can't move
Mind racing but body immobilized
This is often what severe anxiety or complex trauma looks like
It Explains Why Connection Is So Hard
If your nervous system learned that:
People are dangerous (abuse, betrayal)
Vulnerability leads to pain (rejection, abandonment)
Your needs don't matter (neglect, dismissal)
Then even with safe people now, your ventral vagal (social engagement) state might not activate. You might:
Stay in sympathetic around others (hypervigilant, defended)
Collapse into dorsal (numbed out, disconnected)
Want connection desperately but feel terror when it's offered
This isn't a choice. This is your nervous system protecting you based on old information.
It Explains Why "Just Relax" Doesn't Work
If you're in dorsal shutdown (collapsed, depressed, numb), telling yourself to "calm down and relax" misses the point.
You're already too calm; your system has shut down too much. You need gentle mobilization, not more downregulation.
If you're in sympathetic overdrive (anxious, activated), you need co-regulation and safety signals before your system can downshift.
The intervention depends on which state you're in.
Working With All Three States
Here's how to work with your nervous system instead of fighting it:
Recognize Your Current State
Ask yourself:
Do I feel connected and present? (Ventral)
Do I feel anxious, restless, activated? (Sympathetic)
Do I feel numb, shut down, disconnected? (Dorsal)
Do I feel both wired and collapsed? (Mixed state)
You can't shift what you can't see. Awareness first.
From Dorsal Shutdown, Mobilize Gently
If you're shut down, you need small doses of activation:
Movement: walk, stretch, shake your body
Breath: try stimulating breath (breath of fire, quick inhales)
Sound: hum, tone, make noise
Anger: if you can access it safely, this is mobilizing energy
Cold: splash cold water on face (activates sympathetic)
The goal isn't to stay activated; it's to move through sympathetic on your way back to ventral.
From Sympathetic Activation, Regulate Down
If you're anxious and activated, you need:
Extended exhale breathing (4 in, 8 out)
Gentle movement (not intense exercise, that adds activation)
Humming or singing (activates vagus nerve)
Safe connection with another person or animal
Warm bath or shower
Orienting: look around, notice you're safe right now
Into Ventral Safety, Use Co-Regulation
Your nervous system learns safety through connection with other regulated nervous systems:
Time with safe people who aren't trying to fix you
Eye contact with someone you trust
Physical touch that feels safe (hug, hand on shoulder)
Hearing a soothing voice
Being in the presence of calm energy
You can't think your way into ventral. You need to feel safety in relationship (even with yourself).
Build Glimmers of Safety
Dr. Deb Dana (leading polyvagal clinician) talks about "glimmers": micro-moments of ventral vagal activation. Small experiences of safety:
Sunlight on your face
Your dog greeting you
A genuine smile from a stranger
The first sip of coffee
Music you love
Notice glimmers. Let your nervous system register: "Oh, this is what safe feels like."
Over time, these glimmers add up. Your nervous system builds a new baseline.
The Practices That Support Each State
For Dorsal Shutdown (Mobilize Gently):
Breath of Fire (from Wingwork phase)
Short, sharp exhales
Builds energy and heat
Moves you from collapse toward activation
Movement
Dance, shake, walk briskly
Anything that gets energy moving
Don't force; just invitation
Vocalization
Humming, toning, singing
Activates vagus nerve
Brings you back into your body
For Sympathetic Activation (Regulate Down):
Extended Exhale Breathing (from Cocoon phase)
Inhale 4, exhale 6-8
Signals safety to nervous system
Shifts toward ventral
Grounding
Feet on earth
Notice 5 things you can see
Feel the chair beneath you
Co-regulation
Call a safe person
Pet your dog or cat
Listen to soothing music
For Accessing Ventral (Build Safety):
Heart-Centered Breathing (from Becoming Her)
Breathe through your heart space
Focus on gratitude or appreciation
Creates coherence and connection
Social Connection
Genuine conversation with safe person
Eye contact and presence
Laughter, play, shared joy
Mindful Presence
Natural breath awareness
Being here, now
Nothing to fix or change
Why the Four Phases Work With Polyvagal Theory
Now you can see why my transformation framework is structured the way it is:
The Cocoon Phase: Building Ventral Capacity
We start by creating safety, teaching your nervous system what ventral vagal feels like.
Regulation practices (extended exhale, coherent breathing)
Building felt safety in your body
Learning to recognize your states
Without this foundation, deeper work can be dysregulating.
Emergence Sessions: Moving Through Dorsal
Deep emotional release work (like Conscious Connected Breathing) often brings you through dorsal material:
Old shutdown states stored in your body
Trauma that caused collapse
Grief, terror, helplessness
You can only do this safely when you have ventral capacity to return to.
The Wingwork: Expanding Sympathetic Range
You build capacity to handle activation without shutting down:
Breath of Fire, Wim Hof; intentional activation
Learning your system can activate AND recover
Building resilience through safe challenge
This expands your window of tolerance.
Becoming Her: Living From Ventral
You learn to spend more time in social engagement:
Authentic expression (vocal toning)
Heart-centered living
Connection to yourself and others
This becomes your new baseline
You can't skip steps. Safety first. Release second. Capacity third. Living it fourth.
What Changes When You Understand This
When you start working with polyvagal awareness:
You stop judging yourself:
"I'm not weak for shutting down: my nervous system is protecting me"
"I'm not broken for being anxious: I'm in sympathetic activation"
"I'm not lazy: I'm in dorsal collapse and need mobilization, not rest"
You choose the right intervention:
Shutdown needs activation (not more rest)
Anxiety needs regulation (not pushing through)
Ventral needs connection (not isolation)
You understand your relationships:
Why you go numb with your partner (dorsal)
Why you pick fights (sympathetic trying to mobilize)
Why connection feels scary (ventral isn't accessible yet)
You heal at the right level:
You're not trying to think your way out of a nervous system state
You're working with your body, not against it
You're building capacity, not forcing change
Start Here
This week, just practice noticing:
Which state am I in right now?
Connected and present? (Ventral)
Activated and anxious? (Sympathetic)
Shut down and numb? (Dorsal)
That's it. Just notice.
The awareness itself begins to change your relationship with these states.
You're not at their mercy anymore. You're learning to recognize them, understand them, and work with them.
Your nervous system isn't your enemy. It's been trying to keep you alive with the information it has.
Now you're giving it new information. New experiences of safety. New pathways back to connection.
This is the work. And it's worth it.
Go Deeper
If you want to actually practice regulating your nervous system through all three states—not just understand the theory—The Inner Cue mini-course gives you the tools.
You'll learn:
How to recognize which state you're in
Specific practices for each state
How to shift between states skillfully
Pattern interruption that actually works
[Learn about The Inner Cue →]
For the complete transformation framework built on polyvagal principles, Be-U-ti-Ful One walks you through all four phases from safety to authentic living.
[Explore the full journey →]
Your nervous system has three settings, not two.
Learning to work with all three—to move skillfully up and down the ladder—this is how you heal.
This is how you stop being hijacked by states you don't understand.
This is how you come home to yourself.
There's only one of you, and you're already enough. All three states of your nervous system are trying to keep you safe. Now you can work with them instead of against them.
—Dawn
Registered Nurse | Certified Case Manager | Transformation Guide
Be-U-ti-Ful One
P.S. The practices I mentioned for each state? They're all detailed in the breathwork guides I've created for each transformation phase. Want them? [Start here →]