Urges
What If the Urge Isn't the Problem?
You're not broken. You're just not listening… yet.
It happens again.
You weren't even hungry. Or maybe you were, but not for food. You were tired. Overstimulated. Avoiding something. Feeling that familiar pull toward the thing that always makes the noise quiet down; even if just for a moment.
And then afterward, the same spiral: Why can't I stop? What's wrong with me? I have no discipline. I'm so weak.
But consider this:
What if the urge isn't the problem?
What if it's a message?
Your Body Is Talking. Are You Listening?
Every urge: toward food, scrolling, shopping, wine, whatever your "thing" is, carries information. It's your nervous system trying to communicate something that words haven't been able to say.
When you reach for the thing, your brain releases dopamine, serotonin, endorphins. For a moment, the mind quiets. The body settles. Relief.
So your brain learns: This works. Do this when it gets loud.
The more stress, the more pain, the more overwhelm you carry: the more extreme the response becomes.
Real talk..:
You're not chasing pleasure. You're chasing escape.
The urge isn't about the food. It's about what the food is doing for your nervous system.
It's Not a Flaw. It's a Response.
If you've lived in survival mode... in responsibility overload... in emotional suppression... in chronic stress... in being "the strong one"...
Your body learned to regulate itself the only way it knew how.
The vice became the caregiver when no one else was caring for you. It became predictable comfort. Predictable acceptance. Predictable relief.
You didn't develop this pattern because something is wrong with you.
You developed it because something went unsupported in you.
That's not weakness. That's adaptation. Your body found a solution when you didn't have a better one.
The question isn't how to fight harder. The question is: What if there's another way to meet the need underneath?
The Inner Cue
I've been practicing something that's changing my relationship with urges. I call it the Inner Cue.
It's simple. When the pull comes, instead of white-knuckling through it or giving in and feeling shame, I pause. I put my hand on my chest. And I ask:
"What is this urge trying to protect me from?"
Then I wait.
And the body answers. Not always in words. Sometimes in sensations, memories, emotions. But it answers.
I'm tired.
I'm overstimulated.
I don't want to feel this disappointment.
I need soothing.
I feel alone.
That answer is the truth. Not the craving.
Once I know what I actually need, I can ask the next question:
"What would genuinely soothe me right now?"
And usually, it's not food. It's warmth. Rest. Comfort. Connection. Permission to pause.
The urge was just trying to deliver those things the fastest way it knew how.
This Isn't About Willpower
I spent years thinking I needed more discipline. More control. A stricter plan.
But control creates rebellion. The tighter I gripped, the harder I eventually crashed.
What actually works is different. It's softer. It's listening instead of fighting. It's meeting myself with curiosity instead of criticism.
When I thank the urge instead of hating it - "Thank you for trying to take care of me. I heard you. - Mom something shifts. The shame loosens. The compulsion quiets. I can choose from consciousness instead of desperation.
I'm not perfect at this. I still sometimes choose the thing. But even then, I'm choosing it differently. I'm not abandoning myself in the process.
And over time, the extremes are softening. Not because I'm forcing them to, but because the pattern is losing its purpose.
What's Underneath Your Urge?
I'm curious about you.
What does your urge protect you from? What feeling lives underneath the craving? What would actually soothe you if you let yourself receive it?
You don't have to answer right now. But I invite you to start noticing.
The next time the pull comes, before you act, just pause. Hand on heart. Ask the question. See what your body says.
The urge is a messenger. You might be surprised what it's trying to tell you.
Go Deeper
If this resonates: if you're tired of fighting yourself and ready to learn a different way, I've created something for you.
The Inner Cue is a mini-course that teaches you how to translate your cravings into truth. It's not about restriction or willpower. It's about inner listening - the same foundation that runs through everything at be-U-tiful One.
In four sessions, you'll learn:
Why you go to extremes (and why it's not your fault)
The 7-step Inner Cue practice for responding to urges
10 shifts that actually work. without force or shame
How to build a sustainable practice that rewires the pattern over time
This isn't about becoming someone with more discipline. It's about becoming someone who knows how to listen to herself.
Learn more about The Inner Cue
Or if you're ready for deeper, more personalized support, Emergence Sessions might be the right path. This is where we work together one-on-one, using the practices and principles of be-U-tiful One to help you reclaim yourself; including your relationship with the patterns that have kept you stuck.
Emergence Sessions coming soon
You've been trying to control the urge.
What if you just needed to understand it?
The messenger is waiting. She's been waiting a long time.
Are you ready to listen?
With you in the becoming,
Dawn
Be-U-tiful One Beauty not as approval, but as truth.