The Discomfort You've Been Avoiding
What Happens When You Stop Running
Remove the distractions, and everything you've been numbing finally surfaces. This is where the real work begins.
You reach for your phone the moment you wake up.
Scroll through social media while you drink your coffee. Listen to podcasts during your commute. Work through lunch. Netflix during dinner. Wine to unwind. Scroll before bed.
You're never just... sitting with yourself.
And you tell yourself that's fine. You're productive. Connected. Relaxed. Managing.
But here's the truth:
You're running.
From boredom. From stillness. From the uncomfortable feelings that rise up the moment you stop moving.
Every distraction - food, TV, busyness, even coffee - is a strategy to keep your "stuff" buried.
And it works. Until it doesn't.
Until the anxiety breaks through anyway. Until the depression catches up. Until your body forces you to stop through illness or burnout.
What if you stopped running before that happened?
What if you intentionally removed the crutches and let whatever's underneath finally surface?
It's uncomfortable. Deeply uncomfortable.
But it's also where transformation actually happens.
The Distractions We Don't Call Distractions
You know the obvious ones:
Scrolling social media for hours
Binge-watching TV
Shopping you don't need
Drinking to numb
Overworking to avoid home
But what about the "healthy" ones?
Food as Numbing
Not just emotional eating. But:
Constant snacking (never truly hungry, never truly full)
Eating while doing other things (never just eating)
Using food to create pleasure when you're bored or sad
Coffee to feel something, sugar to feel something else
Food isn't just fuel. It's often a feeling management tool.
Busyness as Avoidance
Overscheduling so there's no empty space
Saying yes to everything so you don't have to sit with yourself
Creating urgency and drama to feel alive
Productivity as proof of worth
If you stopped being busy, what would you have to feel?
"Wellness" as Distraction
Even the "good" things can be escape:
Endless podcast consumption (learning as avoidance)
Fitness obsession (controlling body instead of feeling emotions)
Self-help addiction (always becoming, never being)
Spiritual bypassing (transcending instead of integrating)
You can use meditation to avoid your life just as effectively as you use Netflix.
Connection as Filling the Void
Constant texting, calling, plans
Never being alone
Relationships that keep you distracted from yourself
Helping others to avoid your own needs
There's a difference between genuine connection and using people to not feel your feelings.
Even Coffee
That morning coffee isn't just about waking up.
It's often the first hit of the day; a way to feel something, to shift your state, to not be with the grogginess or sluggishness or whatever mood you woke up in.
What if you sat with that grogginess for 30 minutes? What would come up?
Why We Need Distractions
Let's be honest about why we do this:
It Actually Hurts to Feel
Under the distractions is pain you haven't processed.
Grief you never let yourself grieve. Anger you were told wasn't acceptable. Sadness that feels too big. Fear that might overwhelm you. Shame you've been carrying for years.
These feelings are uncomfortable. Sometimes unbearably so.
The distractions work because they give you relief from that discomfort.
You're not weak for using them. You're human.
You Learned This Early
No one taught you how to be with difficult emotions.
You learned:
Feelings are inconvenient
Big emotions are "too much"
You should be able to control how you feel
Discomfort should be fixed immediately
So you learned to distract, numb, avoid, push down.
It was adaptive. It helped you survive.
But now it's keeping you stuck.
It Feels Safer Than Feeling
What if you let yourself feel and you can't stop crying?
What if the anger is too big? What if the sadness never ends? What if you fall apart and can't put yourself back together?
The distractions create the illusion of control.
As long as you're busy/eating/scrolling/working, you don't have to find out what happens if you stop.
The unknown feels more dangerous than the familiar discomfort.
Society Rewards Distraction
We live in a culture that pathologizes stillness.
Doing nothing? You're lazy. Just sitting? You're wasting time. Feeling your feelings? You're wallowing.
Productivity, busyness, constant consumption; these are praised.
Taking time to just be? To feel? To process? That's seen as indulgent.
So we keep running because stopping feels like failure.
What Surfaces When You Stop
Here's what happens when you remove the distractions:
The First Layer: Physical Discomfort
Restlessness. Itchiness. The urge to DO something.
Your nervous system is used to constant input. When you remove it:
Your body doesn't know what to do
You feel antsy, uncomfortable in your own skin
The urge to reach for your phone/food/TV is overwhelming
This is withdrawal. From stimulation. From distraction.
It's not comfortable. But it passes if you don't give in.
The Second Layer: Boredom
The void that opens up when you're not constantly consuming.
You realize:
You don't know what to do with yourself
Time moves slowly (painfully slowly)
You're not as interesting to yourself as you thought
Silence is louder than you expected
Boredom feels intolerable at first.
But boredom is just the space before something emerges. If you can tolerate it, creativity comes. Insight comes. Clarity comes.
You can't get there if you fill every moment.
The Third Layer: The Feelings You've Been Avoiding
Now it gets real.
Sadness about something you never let yourself grieve.
Anger you've been swallowing for years.
Fear that's been running in the background.
Loneliness you've been filling with noise.
Shame about who you are or what you've done.
These feelings aren't new. They've been there all along.
The distractions just kept them under the surface.
Now, without the numbing, they rise.
And it's uncomfortable. Sometimes overwhelmingly so.
But this - THIS - is where healing happens.
The Fourth Layer: The Truth You've Been Running From
Under the feelings is usually a truth you didn't want to face:
This relationship isn't working
This job is killing you
You're not living aligned with your values
You're afraid of being alone
You don't like who you've become
You're grieving something you lost (or never had)
As long as you're distracted, you don't have to acknowledge these truths.
But when you're still, when you're feeling, when there's nowhere to hide; the truth emerges.
And once you see it, you can't unsee it.
That's terrifying. And also liberating.
The Discomfort Is the Point
Here's what most people don't understand:
The discomfort isn't a sign you're doing it wrong.
The discomfort is the sign you're finally doing it right.
Healing Requires Feeling
You can't heal what you won't feel.
The grief needs to be grieved. The anger needs to be expressed (safely). The fear needs to be acknowledged. The shame needs to be brought into the light.
As long as you're numbing, you're not processing.
You're just managing. Coping. Surviving.
But you're not healing.
Healing happens when you let yourself feel the thing you've been avoiding.
The Feelings Won't Destroy You
This is the fear: "If I let myself feel this, I'll fall apart."
But here's what actually happens:
You feel it. Fully. Deeply. Maybe you cry. Maybe you rage. Maybe you shake. Maybe you just sit with the heaviness.
And then... it moves through.
Not immediately. Not quickly. But it does move.
Feelings are temporary. Even the big ones.
They come, they peak, they pass.
But only if you let them.
When you keep pushing them down, they don't go away. They just wait. And build. And eventually explode or implode.
Discomfort Is Information
The discomfort you're avoiding is telling you something:
Where you're out of alignment.
What needs attention.
What's unresolved.
Where you're betraying yourself.
The distractions silence that information.
When you remove them, you can finally hear what your body, your emotions, your intuition have been trying to tell you.
The message might be uncomfortable. But it's true.
And truth, even uncomfortable truth, is better than continuing to live in avoidance.
Growth Happens in the Gap
The gap between stimulus and response.
The gap between craving and acting.
The gap between feeling and numbing.
That gap is where you build capacity.
Every time you sit with discomfort instead of immediately reaching for a distraction, you're expanding your window of tolerance.
You're teaching your nervous system: We can handle this. We don't need to run.
That capacity, the ability to be with discomfort, changes everything.
How to Remove the Crutches
You don't have to do everything at once. Pick one.
Start With the Most Obvious Distraction
What's the thing you reach for most automatically?
For most people it's:
Phone/social media
Food (when not actually hungry)
TV/streaming
Busyness
Alcohol
Pick one. Remove it (or significantly reduce it) for a set period.
Not forever. Just long enough to see what surfaces.
Create Structured Spaciousness
Don't just remove the distraction and hope for the best.
Create intentional time to be with yourself:
Morning practice (before reaching for phone):
10-30 minutes of just sitting
No music, no input, no agenda
Just you, your breath, your body, whatever comes up
Evening practice (instead of TV/wine/scrolling):
20 minutes of being still
Journal if you need to process
Let yourself feel whatever's there
Throughout the day:
Notice when you reach for distraction
Pause. Ask: "What am I avoiding right now?"
See if you can sit with the discomfort for 5 minutes before distracting
Ride Out the Waves
When the discomfort comes (and it will):
Physical restlessness:
Breathe through it
Move your body gently (walk, stretch, shake)
Don't immediately distract
Boredom:
Let it be boring
Don't fill the space
Notice what emerges after 10, 15, 20 minutes
Uncomfortable emotions:
Name what you're feeling
Let yourself feel it in your body
Don't analyze or fix, just be with it
Cry if you need to. Rage into a pillow if you need to.
Write if that helps you process
Truths emerging:
Don't immediately act on them
Sit with the insight
Let it become clear over time
Journal about it
The waves get easier to ride the more you practice.
Build Tolerance Gradually
Don't go from constant distraction to monastic silence.
Start with:
10 minutes without phone in morning
One meal eaten without screens
20 minutes of sitting before bed instead of TV
One day a week without your usual crutch
Gradually increase as you build capacity.
The goal isn't to never have comfort or pleasure.
The goal is to not NEED distraction to avoid your own experience.
What Changes When You Stop Running
After weeks or months of this practice:
You Know Yourself
Really know yourself.
Not the performed version. Not the coping version. The actual you.
What you actually feel. What you actually need. What you're actually avoiding.
You can't know this while you're constantly distracted.
Emotions Become Less Scary
When you've sat with sadness and didn't dissolve.
When you've felt anger and didn't destroy anything.
When you've been with fear and survived it.
Emotions lose their power to control you.
They're just weather. Passing through. Temporary.
You develop the capacity to feel without being consumed.
Your Choices Become Clearer
When you're not numbing the truth, you can see what needs to change.
The relationship that isn't working.
The job that's draining you.
The way you're living that doesn't align with who you actually are.
Clarity comes in the stillness.
Not in the distraction.
You Need Less to Feel Okay
When you can be with yourself without distraction, you're free.
You don't need constant stimulation to feel alive.
You don't need food/shopping/alcohol/busyness to feel okay.
You don't need to fill every moment.
You become enough for yourself.
Not in a lonely way. In a grounded way.
The Patterns Become Visible
All the unconscious patterns you've been running:
When you reach for food (what you're actually hungry for).
When you get busy (what you're avoiding).
When you numb (what you don't want to feel).
You can't change what you can't see.
Removing distractions makes the patterns visible.
Then you can work with them consciously.
Peace Becomes Accessible
Not the absence of discomfort. But peace WITH the discomfort.
You don't need everything to be perfect to feel okay.
You can be with what is—including the hard things—without needing to immediately change or fix or escape it.
That's freedom.
Not from difficulty. But from the constant running from difficulty.
The Practice
This week, choose ONE distraction to remove or reduce significantly.
If It's Food:
No eating while doing other things
Sit with hunger for 10 minutes before eating
Notice what you're actually feeling when you want to snack but aren't hungry
If It's Phone/Social Media:
No phone for first hour after waking
No scrolling during transitions (waiting, commuting)
Delete apps for a week, see what surfaces
If It's TV/Streaming:
No TV for one week
Sit with the evening boredom
Notice what comes up in the space
If It's Busyness:
Clear one evening with nothing scheduled
Sit with the emptiness
Don't fill it
If It's Coffee:
Skip it for 3 days
Sit with the grogginess
Notice what state you're actually in without the stimulation
Whatever you choose, commit to sitting with the discomfort instead of reaching for another distraction.
What to Expect
Days 1-3: Physical Withdrawal
Restlessness. Irritability. Strong urges to go back to the distraction.
Your nervous system is recalibrating. This is normal.
Days 4-7: Boredom and Discomfort
Time moves slowly. You don't know what to do with yourself. You're uncomfortable.
Stay with it. Don't fill the space yet.
Days 8-14: Feelings Surface
The stuff you've been avoiding comes up. Sadness, anger, fear, grief.
This is the work. Let yourself feel it.
Weeks 3-4: Insights Emerge
You start seeing patterns. Understanding why you needed the distraction. Clarity about what needs to change.
This is where transformation begins.
Ongoing: Capacity Builds
The discomfort becomes more tolerable. You can sit with yourself. You know yourself better. You're less reactive.
You're no longer running. You're present.
The Integration
Removing distractions isn't about becoming ascetic or punishing yourself.
It's about creating space for what's been buried to finally surface.
So you can feel it. Process it. Heal it. Integrate it.
The distractions aren't inherently bad. Food, coffee, TV, busyness—these can be enjoyable in moderation.
But when you're using them to avoid yourself, they're keeping you stuck.
The discomfort you're avoiding through distraction?
It's the doorway to your freedom.
On the other side of that discomfort is:
Self-knowledge
Emotional capacity
Clarity about your life
Peace with what is
The ability to be with yourself
But you have to be willing to ride out the discomfort to get there.
Most people aren't. They stay distracted their entire lives.
You don't have to.
Remove the crutches. Let it surface. Feel it.
That's where the real work - and the real transformation - happens.
There's only one of you, and you're already enough. The feelings you're avoiding don't change that. But running from them keeps you from knowing it.
Dawn
P.S. The distraction you're most resistant to removing? That's the one keeping the most buried. Start there.